“The entire time I was pregnant I was praying for a miscarriage and it just never happened”
This is a quote from the mother of a beautiful 3 month old baby boy who is currently in my job readiness training program. This mother is under 21 years old and says she would like to smile, like her child, but simply has no reason to smile. She states the family and support network around her assisting her with her son does as little as possible and talks negatively to her the entire time. She hates her current situation of being unemployed and searching for work in the Atlanta area. Throw in the not having her own vehicle in an area where you MUST have a car and things get even more frustrating.
The sad & frustrating part of this story is I hear this everyday from several of my participants and in speaking to them about their childhood I find a recurring theme. The lack of a good relationship with their mother. On the day the above quote was delivered, every woman in the session shared how they wished their mother had spent more time with them growing up. Each shared what they remembered about their mother and the theme was the same in each home. “My mother worked all the time and never spent anytime with us.”
The room is often filled with a cloud of low self-esteem, which often brings forth tears of rain when they speak of the men in their lives. When I ask the question, “How are your relationships with the men in your life?” they respond with something related to an ex-husband/boyfriend. Why is it that their first response in most of these conversations is NEVER about their father?
I recently read an article on a book I must obtain this week. The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character and Achievement by David Brooks. He says, “We’re not rational animals, or laboring animals; we’re social animals. We emerge out of relationships and live to bond with each other and connect to larger ideas.”
I also saw an interview on Good Morning America where he spoke about the number of words that are spoken to a child and how this impacts the life and ability of the child to be successful and productive in life.
1. If you are a mother and working all the time and every little girl in your area is spending more time with their parents (in dialogue) than your beautiful little girl how will her ability to emerge out of her surroundings end?
2. If you are a father and not around or just not ‘in tune’ with the needs of your children are you preparing your beautiful little girl for an easy time with the next man they encounter?
I know what I feel is missing in the lives of the young in our community, but I would like to hear from you.
What in your opinion is happening in the AA community and what is needed to stop the bleeding?
Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts