If you smoke, then I can fart!


Florida was super nice to us while on Vacation.  I think we got three drops of rain while we were there and the girls were able to enjoy the parks & hotel pool.  I enjoyed it because it was not so far away from home.  I can do anything under 10 hours on the highway and I am still nice, but anything over that I am a ball of complaints.  And I realize it is just because I am tired.  We all have to understand what hurts or helps our attitude.

Well one thing that I think really stinks is cigarette smoke.  I think people who smoke should be forced to wear a plastic bubble around their heads like George Jetson.  I should not have to smell your cancer laced cloud.  So this story will explain why my wife named me ODC.

While walking down the breezeway at our hotel, which is a non-smoking hotel, I ran into a young lady who felt it was okay to smoke in the public walkway and have me and other walk through her mess.  It really irritated me and I just prayed that she would be finished or moved before I returned.  Well as soon as I hit the door to the breezeway on my return…guess who was still there?  Yep, and I was mentally and PHYSICALLY ready to deal with her on this trip.  I actually stopped right behind her and cut the loudest, stankiest, FART in my life and stood there to create my own little Cancerous cloud that she was forced to live with and I coupled it with a stupid look much like the one she gave me on my initial pass.

I said, “Don’t look at me like that because how you feel now is how I feel every time I am forced to walk through some ones nasty cigarette smoke.  At least my cloud has not been proven to cause Cancer.”

She just looked at me and after I felt all of my steam was delivered I made my way back to my family who I am sure were happy she got my special delivery and not them.

This will be a blog week to remember…..Trust me



About offdachainandouttadabox

We are a married couple of 2 with 4 beautiful, smart children, who after 15 years of marriage have decided to join the blog world with a blog that will allow us to present what may be considered to many to be offdachainandouttadabox as it pertains to the areas of marriage, parenting, finances and health & wellness. The offdachain husband will also, against the wishes of his wife, (hence off the chain) post on other subjects from time to time.

15 responses »

  1. This…..this is the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. I think you just inspired a new column for my magazine- Oh no she/he didn’t which will tell of rude things people have done and what funny things we have done to handle them!

  2. You know what’s so funny? This sounds like something my husband would do! He knows how much I hate cigarette smoke and people who do it in public places, and he would have been beyond PO’d about chick smoking in a non-smoking establishment.

    This was pure brilliance. What is extra exceptional is your ability to fart on demand.

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