How can you cheat….IF YOUR NOT MARRIED? (The remix)


So I have a mentor who is almost half my age.  One who my wife calls our billionaire babysitter(see previous post with same title) Her name is Brittany Earls and she is the editor-in-BOSS of Genesis Magazine. She has gotten to this point, in my opinion, because she is focused on her career and NOT DATING/CHEATING MESS.  I met her in Atlanta before she was the BOSS!  Actually, at that time I was her BOSS!  How I miss the good ole’ days.  Anywho, Brittany and I were having a conversation via our comment section on a previous post and it led me to think of this above mentioned post topic.  How can you cheat if you are not MARRIED?

I often wonder what major factors have caused our society to make such a huge left turn to the negative, everything soft porn on TV culture, we exist in today. I may have read once that music videos played a huge part.  I think my high school track coach, Coach Dilday(now Coach Lewis) coined that statement.  If she is not the actual person who said it…someone needs to just sue me and allow the lawyers to straighten it all out.

Back to the subject at hand….WOW! I often take commercial breaks but you knew that already.

So I decided to write on this topic because I am often challenged when people, who are not married, speak about how someone cheated on them and they have never been married.  It is the dating culture of today that has messed up the entire world.  The purpose for dating should be to find someone you want to marry, but most, in our society, use it to ‘play house.’  This allows people to practice getting divorced more than anything else.  Thus we land in a society where more marriages fail than succeed….and we wonder why!

We have shows like the RHOA where you see a young girl get a diamond ring in an attempt to help her stay pure until only 18 yo.  WHAT!?! We only want you to wait until 18 before you begin sleeping with people you are not married to and we wonder why we have a world that looks how it looks.  (if you want my opinion…see the blog post about the 3 qualifying questions on what is needed before you should be having sex)

Then I see the new show, The Family Crews, where the daughter gets pregnant and has a baby and she is not married.  The family is having a barbeque and the father sits down with the couple to discuss their plans.  I really liked how he did it in front of the entire family.  (instead of the pull to the side to discuss stuff everyone should hear)  He ask when they were going to get married and they responded, “We are not ready to get married.”  So he told them then you need to break up and not be sending a mixed message to the child.  I WAS IN TOTAL SHOCK! Then I realized the show probably will get cancelled next week.  I mean…I hope not, but we will see.

Then I saw the BBW show finale.  I loved this show…NOT THE SERIES, but this show.  WHY you ask?  The answer is that Jennifer has followed behind Evelyn the entire show like a people pleasing puppy with no personality of her own and now Evelyn has proven to be a person who does not respect marriage…just like the woman who slept with her husband, Eric ‘The Mule’ Williams before she married him.  Now that Evelyn has confessed to Tamie that she slept with her ex-husband…BEFORE HE WAS EX and proven to be the freak-a-zoid that we all have seen her to be(while Jennifer has been in the dark) Here goes the drama that TV wanted.  Now these women have been hanging in this ‘circle’ for the entire series and NOW it comes out that she slept with a ‘circle friends’ husband when they were married and said she did not KNOW he was married!  So she did not know he was cheating!  Then she follows it up with telling his then wife, “You were a non-issue.”

My question is this…How do you date someone for 6 months, who is married, and not know it?  Especially a NBA player…did the internet exist back then?

So back to the question at hand.  How can you cheat…if your not MARRIED?

My opinion is we are using dating for the wrong purpose.  In our society today we should use dating to decide who we want to marry, but instead we use dating to see who we want to divorce.  We use dating for the wrong purpose and we do it wrong so we end up in a mess and wonder…HOW DID I GET HERE?

I just spoke to a group of women this morning in my training class and told them how there are women who I dated before marriage that wasted 5-7 years of their life thinking they were going to be with me.  I told them that if these women only gauged their expectations on my actions and NOT what was coming out my mouth…they would have understood that I did not care about them(or myself for that matter)

See, I was a guy who knew that dating was a hoax!  I would tell women that my way of dating was to be with who I wanted to be with on each day of the week.  Where I was different is I would tell the women where I would be and who I was with at all times. If I was taking someone out for their birthday I would let the other woman know so her feelings would not be hurt.  Oh don’t worry…I still took some public slaps in the face during these times…even one that the young lady slapped me so hard she fell(that was funny and I just looked down…stepped over her and kept going)  I called myself an honest guy who did not CHEAT.  Most women would say they did not want to date me initially but once I let them know that everyone CHEATS and I was honest with my dating & you would know what was going on at all times.  My favorite line was “You can deal with me or the guy who is sleeping around and not telling you.”  I would stand on the truth…as I saw it in my eyes or as I defined CHEATING WHILE DATING.

Yeah, I was a mess…well a real mess…today I am just a mess(at least I know it)

SO…….How can you cheat…if you are not MARRIED?  The fact that we even call it cheating is an issue.  How do you define cheating when you are not married? What is commitment without marriage?  One person may say talking on the phone is cheating?  Another person may say going out to dinner with someone that your attracted to is cheating.  A third person may say flirting is cheating.

This is the challenge!  Each person has their own definition of cheating on the dating scene.

Now for those of you who are saying in your head as you read this post…The answer is just to sit down and discuss how each person in the relationship views cheating(you will continue to bump your head in relationships…so just get married)

The answer is like Mr. Crews says…Get MARRIED!  If he cares about you, he will marry you and then everything is clearly defined.  You won’t have to worry about catching him/her on the phone with someone using the same voice he/she uses to speak to you and he/she not KNOW THEY ARE CHEATING!

Or you can keep doing what you have been doing…

Just be ready to own your choices…(and that, my friend, is another blog post)

Please share your thoughts….



About offdachainandouttadabox

We are a married couple of 2 with 4 beautiful, smart children, who after 15 years of marriage have decided to join the blog world with a blog that will allow us to present what may be considered to many to be offdachainandouttadabox as it pertains to the areas of marriage, parenting, finances and health & wellness. The offdachain husband will also, against the wishes of his wife, (hence off the chain) post on other subjects from time to time.

5 responses »

  1. I don’t think it’s possible to ‘cheat’ if a commitment has not been made. In Christianity, and in most of the Western world, that commitment is marriage. I’ve been saying this exact same thing to people I know for years. How can you break an agreement that you haven’t made?

  2. Totally agree with your concept here! Although I’m not so stuck on the marriage part, I just replace it with commitment. I think a commitment can be made without marriage, HOWEVER dating is NOT a commitment. Dating is exactly as you say – trying people on to see if they fit! I do not understand how people can consider themselves ready to have a baby, but not ready for marriage/commitment. Talk about putting the cart before the horse!

    Women DO waste time “waiting” for the guy they are “dating” – why do they think dating is a commitment? I do not know!

    • A commitment can not be made without marriage. We can not make our own rules. You are either married or not and women are wasting their time ‘waiting’ for the guy they are ‘dating’ because of ideas like this one. If a man wants to marry you he will marry you. If he does not want to marry you he will keep sleeping with you and using you up until you either force him to marry you or you leave him or he marries someone else under your nose.

      Seems pretty simple to me

  3. So are you committed when you say “I do” only, or are you committed when you say “Let’s be together”? I hear where you are coming from but how do I know I want to be with you forever in the Holy state of Marriage without making a commitment? Also after we commit to each other we still have the period before the marriage the perparation and within this time if a man/woman has sex with another person that is cheating, stepping out of your commitment. I pose this question are you saying go from “Hello”, to “We are married”, without first the commitment? Better way to put it what came first “Commitment or the Marriage”?

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