In Marriage is Cheating a DEAL BREAKER?


You better believe this one is going to get HOT!

I presented this question on my Facebook page over the weekend and it did not turn out like I had expected. Send me a friend request at Michael J. Covin(don’t forget the period) to see the responses.

Let me begin…

I love to present issues I believe need addressing.  I am not attempting to get permission for anyone to CHEAT!! (make sure you read that last sentence again…out loud if needed)

There are several of us dealing with challenges in our marriages and attempting to navigate to a successful outcome.  Many married couples are dealing with overcoming infidelity in their marriage and are finding it very challenging.

First let’s define CHEATING as it pertains to this posting.

CHEATING in this post is going to be defined as sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse.  (I do realize that there are other actions that can be defined as cheating but for this post we will use this definition) (UGH! OK for those of you who are asking. In my marriage, if your spouse doesn’t know about your actions…that is defined as cheating)(now back to our post)

It is amazing to me how many of us give a response to this question that sounds like when we were just in the dating world.

Examples taken directly from Facebook responses:

1. Yes. (Period)

2. Depends on if MAGNANIMITY exist in the relationship along with strong community support

3. Yes. Always

4. as 4 me, it is definitely a deal breaker


6. we don’t marry until death do we part….it is until real life happens we part…

Of course there were several other responses but it seemed like the women were a sure…I AM HITTING THE ROAD! (So fellas…You have been warned)

These responses were disturbing to me because I like to know the answer to the question:  How did we get here?

And I feel if you don’t ask and find the answer to that question you could very well find yourself in the next marriage and at the same point for the exact same reason.  I am not saying cheating is okay but when people continue to have conversations in their heads and not speak to their spouse about what they are thinking…

Confusion and thus cheating happens.

I really need your help on this one, because we are all human and I am not feeling the human side to some of these responses.  I know I present it like I have all the answers but I am stumped on this one.



“March Madness Blogging Series”


10 responses »

  1. I wonder if some of the answers are oversimplified for Facebook? I would say it was a deal breaker because I know myself well enough to know I could hold a 30 year grudge. I would never be able to get over it or at least that is what I think. Life is always different when it really happens.

  2. Although I do NOT condone cheating & I realize it can and will rip the trust of a marriage to shreads….what happened to “til death do us part”??? Vows were made to each other, before God, friends & family…does that not mean anything?!? Guess I’m on the minority with feeling that you should give 100% to fixing the problem that lead to the cheating not just giving up and walking awaybecause of one mistake.

  3. For me it isn’t hypothetical. I always thought it was a dealbreaker. But when i found out, well I’d been married 10 years, had 3 children with the youngest only 3 months old.

    It’s then you realize you have actually thought through what next. I was never going to re-partner. If I couldn’t trust someone who had been there for me for more than 10 years I wasn’t trusting someone new. Add to that health issues that make me a lot less attractive than 10 years ago. I hated single life and didn’t want to have that for the rest of my life,

    Then there’s the children. I frankly wouldn’t want the mistress jointly raising them. Or my husband if he was nurturing that side of his character by being with her.

    I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater. I think many are in a fantasy world and do not get it until it comes crashing down.

    But for me the biggest struggle is the betrayal. How do I get the images of her out of my mind? How can I get past what he told her about me that was do intimate? To me forgiving him is not as hard as bearing the humiliation.

    I don’t know if I can do it or not. I guess I owe it to the kids to try. I know I want my daughters not to see me as weak one day but hopefully to admire the effort.

    But I will say when you’re in the situation it’s totally different to how you thought it would be.

  4. I responded on your FB page that I don’t think I could get over being cheated on by my husband. It would be VERY hard for me to move past that and continue as a unit. I also know that all sins are equal so this may not be right… But just being honest!

    • Your response sounds typical of someone that has been hurt but also typical of a person who is only thinking of themselves. Though I am grateful to have you visit our blog, I wish we all could learn to be for Godly in our thinking.


  5. in todays technology there is so many ways to cheat especially emotionally wise…every situation is different but before my hubby passed he was having conversations and chatting with women and wasn’t forthcoming about it…that was our biggest problem.

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