Fortyhood: Biopsies and Babies?!?!

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images“Triple Knee”….”Over the top”….”Reverse Turn”. On this particular Saturday morning, I was finding it difficult to keep up mentally AND physically in my favorite class, one that I have been taking for over 16 years. This usually only happens under one condition. No, surely that’s not what it is. I had a wacky cycle last month; 2 in one month, 11 days apart. Surely I was headed towards the big M. That’s what I had decided was the reason for my late cycle.

“If you just listen to the beat”, someone in the class, seeing my confusion, offered, in an attempt to help me. In my bewilderment, I tell a complete stranger, “I think I’m pregnant!” I’m sure it caught her off guard, lol! She tells me maybe it’s just my period about to start, and I struggle through the rest of class.

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I originally started this blog post on 5/26 and today is 9/28. I honestly don’t even have the mental space to make this post the literary masterpiece I wanted it to be, lol! Yes, I was indeed pregnant and 2 days after confirming the pregnancy, my mammogram came back abnormal. Talk about stressed and anxious?!?!? I had a biopsy and thankfully the mass was benign, and unfortunately, the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, my 3rd in a row.

Sharing such personal stories, open you up for so much judgement; “How old is she?”, “Don’t they know what causes that?”, “Don’t they already have FOUR children?!?!?”, but I have decided in spite of what others think, (and yes, I’m totally aware and informed of the ‘risks’ that come with ‘advanced maternal age’) we travel the road less traveled, thus ‘Offdachain and Outtadabox’.

When faced with breast cancer and a baby, you start to realize that some things are totally out of your control. I have decided that there are far worse things than being judged for my lack of birth control, like death!

I was inspired to complete this post after being invited to a couple’s party last night who had never met us,but read the blog. We had a wonderful time, rapping all the old school hip-hop songs, lol! They kept commenting on how much they enjoyed the blog. It has been forever since we posted, and as you will soon see, so much has been going in our lives. I’m never ashamed or embarrassed to share our lows, because I know it’s not our final destination.

I hope that my transparency will help someone to stop allowing the culture to dictate your choices and maybe stop someone from judging someone else’s (I’m a work in progress on this one).

More to come.

ODB

 

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5 responses »

  1. I hadn’t checked your blog in a while. Happy your biopsy was “good” and very sad you lost another little one. I don’t know exactly how you feel but I remember how I felt with my miscarriages. Always was wondering what kind of person they could have been. You are never too old to have them and you definitely would survive with a 5th! My parents had 6, they did alright. The bond between siblings is amazing.

  2. I’m sorry about your miscarriage; I’ve had two. Also happy for your test results! It’s refreshing, you being so transparent:) My friend, Jamie from MI, directed me to your blog months ago, but–being the introvert that I am plus figuring I never actually connect w/you since I live way out in the ‘burbs–I’ve waited till now to contact you. Why now? Well, I’m coming to TWSB this week with my ds! Does your dd still attend? Will you be there Monday? If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’ll have her contact you to jog your memory ;D ~A’Monica

    • Yes!!!! Jamie is a sweetheart and I remember her telling me about you. I’m sorry to hear about your losses, it seems that when people open up, you find out so many people have experienced miscarriages. Which campus will you be visiting on Monday? My daughter dances 4 days a week, but not Monday 😦

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